25th Jan 2018

Dealing with difficult circumstances

When faced with life’s most difficult decision, people can react in very different ways. Leading family lawyer Stephen Root offers his advice on facing testing times.

It is the nature of my job that I always see clients in difficult circumstances. Quite often this is the very worst time in somebody’s life - they often only need me when their relationships have gone catastrophically wrong and they often feel pushed into circumstances that they never wanted and have no control over either. As a result, I see both the best and the very worst of people (and sometimes both from the same client!).

A driving factor in this is the fear of the unknown and the uncertainty. Everything they have counted on, on a daily basis, is now gone and they often have no idea what will happen to them. Their carefully ordered lives have been turned upside down and they have no idea where they will live, whether they will have enough money to pay the bills and when they might see their children again. It is an extremely unsettling and uncomfortable period in anybody’s life.

If this describes you…… draw a deep breath, sit down and please read on. First, it is important to remember that there is most definitely life after divorce or separation. Impossible as it may seem to you when you are going through this, you will come out the other side and life will become enjoyable again. There will be dark moments but hang on to this as it is true.

To help get over the unknown, start to take control of your life once more. To begin with, this may be only possible in very small ways, perhaps try saying “no” to doing something or a request made by your previous partner. Make plans, it may be a struggle to see a way forward but your solicitor or counsellor can help you with this. Making plans will help you visual another future and help you see a way forward. You will be able to find a way out by doing this even if your initial plans come to nothing, the very fact you have sat down and thought about your future helps you take control and helps remove that uncertainty. You will also begin to realise that there can be life without your partner.

You will have to accept that in the immediate future there will be some uncertainty and things will not get resolved overnight. But be patient with yourself; there will be bad days but with time there will be less of them and eventually there will be few bad days indeed. You will not come out of a divorce or separation unchanged but learn from any mistakes that have been made and learn about yourself as you go through this.

Remember that no-one goes through life without some difficult times but you can make those times less challenging by trying to be positive and helping yourself wherever possible.

Stephen Root is a top ranked Yorkshire family lawyer with over 30 years’ experience in supported separating couples. To discuss how with Stephen and Berwins' expert Family Law team can support you, call 01423 543 108 or use our contact form online. 

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